Snow White: A Tale of Terror

Alright so I really wanted to watch the movie again and let me tell you, so much better when you can clearly see and hear everything that is going on. Now it is a made for TV movie, so it isn't the highest class of film, but I think it is pretty well done. There are some rather big name actors in it as well. Sam Neill, the hero in Jurassic Park, is Lord Hoffman, Lilliana (or Snow White's) father. Sigourney Weaver, the heroine from Alien, plays the evil stepmother, and does a damn good job of it. David Conrad, the husband in ghost whisperer (and born in Pittsburgh :) plays Doctor Gutenburgh who during most of the movie is the Prince Charming character, but there is a twist in this tale.

The first thing that I love about this story is that it follows the Grimm brothers' version of the tale, which is much more violent then the tale we all know and love by Walt Disney. You understand this with in the first couple moments of the film where we see a man torn to shreds by wolves and Lord Hoffman kill his wife to save his child. After the first couple of minutes I was hooked just to see what else they were going to do to the characters that would make little kids cry if they watched it.

We also get to see the development of the wicked stepmother Claudia as Lilli grows up. Now I have to admit that if little Lilli acted like that to me I would beat the little brat, but Lilli's actions as a child are somewhat understandable. She feels as if her father is replacing her mother with this new woman, as I am sure many young children do. My parent's are still together so I can't give any personal knowledge, but it is what I have heard and seen. Also I would never marry a noble man or prince for the simple reason that everyone watches you have sex for the first time. Most people don't even want to see themselves have sex let alone have a whole crowd. I mean how did they think this was a good idea? Hello, stage fright anyone?

Next thing you know it is nine years later and Lilli is all grown up into a whinny little teenager who still dislikes her step mom, but has a major crush on Peter Gutenburgh (don't blame her). Claudia is also about to give birth and we get the first hint that she is a little off kilter. Well that and she owns a mirror that kills Lilli's nanny, but hey we all have one of those stashed somewhere. Claudia talks about casting runes and such waiting for her baby to be born and Lord Hoffman, who is very religious, prays to have a boy. Anyway Claudia and Lilli have a bit of a verbal battle over the dress Lilli is going to wear to the ball being thrown. Lilli basically tells Claudia to shove it, wears one of her mothers dresses, makes Claudia extremely jealous and Claudia goes into labor. her baby boy is stillborn and this is where Claudia jumps off the deep end, in her grief she blames Lilli for her baby's death.

As anyone who knows the tale should guess the next thing to happen is someone tries to kill Lilli. In this version it is Claudia's brother after Peter proposes to Lilli. Lilli kicks her would be assassin where the sun don't shine and high tales it into the woods where she stumbles into an abandoned house and falls asleep. And here appears our "seven dwarfs" though they are far from the cute little guys we have come to love. All are grown men who are hiding from the world either because they are hunted or because they are deformed. They do not treat Lilli kindly, except one, Will. Lilli almost gets rapped by one of the dwarfs, but Will stops him and then we get into the whole witch tries to kill Snow White twice and fails routine. After all that (Will saves Lilli every time, though two of his friends die in the process) Lilli and Will are in love, which makes you wonder, what is going to happen to the good doctor. Oh just wait. 

While Lilli is trying not to get crushed, rapped or a bunch of other unpleasant things Claudia seduces Peter, though I have to say she didn't have to try very hard. Now I can't really blame Claudia for making out with Doctor Gutenburgh. Any woman who turns down David Conrad obviously is blind as well as insane, and Claudia is only one of those things, but I can say something about his taste. Now I am not saying Claudia is not pretty, but she is married and her daughter is hot and single. Really doctor?

Any who I am not going to tell you the rest, if I have gotten your attention you can go and watch the full movie on youtube. There are a few different people who have is posted. I am just going to make one or two more comments. The first on is *drum roll* the only part of the movie that I found overly dramatic is the scene where Claudia "steals the father's seed". Like really is that whole thing needed? She couldn't just go in there and have it implied we had to see that whole awkward scene (imagine that with a room full of college kids). Another is that there is a lot of things I did not pick up on the first time I watched the movie, like Claudia wrecking the saint statues, so keep an open eye and you will get a lot more out of it.

I wasn't really a giant fan of the ending because Lilli and Will don't have this huge romantic moment (they really didn't the whole movie) and you don't find out what happens.Oh and David Conrad gets pushed out of a window! I mean I knew he wasn't going to be Prince Charming, but what a waste! And then there are the lingering questions. Do Lilli and Will get married and bring the other "dwarfs" to live with them? Does her father even live? I need answers people! This is the reason that I adore Disney movies. You always know it is going to be a happily ever after with the princess marrying the prince and living together at their castle. None of this symbolism crap that you are just supposed to pick up on.